Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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