I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
50% drunk capacity currently
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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