Jerry, you need to find god
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
