i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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