Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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