I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
