Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
