Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
love makes seman taste better
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
