dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
