My friends, they love my intelligence
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
