I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
