there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
