I cut my penus on the lid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
