peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
