if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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