how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
