literally had 100 drinks last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
