Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The air was thick with penises
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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