Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
