i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
