im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
