Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i dont even know how to be here
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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