i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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