There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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