At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
