A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ttyl tear gas
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
