i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
