I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
