he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
