that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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