I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Holy shit dude........stairs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
