I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
