i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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