I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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