We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
