Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
