I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
