Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
