some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the day after is always just damage control
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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