I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
