Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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