he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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