it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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