"it" just moved
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
