I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
