i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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