never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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