His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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