Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had to cum in my sink.
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