Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
