when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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