Non-Jews are for practice
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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