Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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