We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
