Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
