Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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