Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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