So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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