Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
