Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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