i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
