i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
