I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
