it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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