my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
