batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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