I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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