why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
