does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize