So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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