I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
