Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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