So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
