In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
