I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
