dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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