Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
