I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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