I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
