You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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