feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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