I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
