the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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