remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
